The Grass Isn't Always Greener
by KatyMM
Summary: Dean is trying to live the apple pie life Sam wanted for him...but rules are meant to be broken - does the same go for promises? One off tag to the Season 5 finale. No swearing, and no spoilers for season 6.


The sun was shining. The grass was _actually_ green.

And Dean was on the other side.

The side he'd always wanted as much as Sam had. The side where all the "normal" people lived. He'd just never realised that Sam knew how much he'd coveted it.

Trouble was, this side didn't feel so good. Or rather, it felt good but it didn't feel _right_.

It was like he'd gone away on vacation from his "real" life. But this vacation was supposed to be his real life now. The life his brother wanted him to have. And how ironic was that? All Dean's life he'd wanted Sam to escape, and as soon as Sam had gone to college, he'd just wanted him to come back. He'd missed his little brother so much it was like a physical pain waking up each day, knowing he wasn't across the room. But Sam had got it – the life he wanted. And Dean wasn't going to mess it up for him just because he was pathetically lonely. So he'd left Sam alone – hadn't bothered him, spoken to him – nothing. It was just easier that way. Too painful to try to stay in touch.

So how did it end up like this? Here he was with Lisa and Ben. But how could he have a perfect life with them? How was that even possible with what he knew? How was he supposed to be happy when the thought of Sam in … where _was_ Sam? It was killing him not knowing… killing him that Sam might be where he had been….doing the things… now, it was too painful not to know – not to be in touch…

"Dean?"

Ben ran towards him and he swooped the boy up into the air. From the day he'd arrived on Lisa's doorstep, the little guy had accepted him as easily as breathing. And Dean felt the same way about the kid.

_Almost. _

And as for his mom. She'd been fantastic. So patient and understanding. She didn't expect or ask anything from him – she knew he was grieving and she gave him space to do that.

_Perfect._

He put Ben down and they both went inside the house. Dean had fixed a few things around the place and generally made himself useful, but he didn't have a job. Lisa was the financial provider and that wasn't sitting at all well with him. Finding a proper job was proving pretty difficult and the recession meant people with mechanical skills were two a piece. Dean was lucky. Lisa knew about his _other_ skills. But they weren't exactly things he could put on a Resume.

For her part, Lisa didn't mind. She'd been so independent for so long, it simply wasn't an issue to her that Dean didn't have a job. She'd been happily going along, making a life for herself and her son, and then on Ben's 9th birthday, Dean Winchester arrived; a total blast from the past. And everything changed. She'd found out about things she wished she hadn't. And Dean had saved her son's life.

She'd had many sleepless nights after that, knowing something of what was out there and that there were even worse things to know. Feeling terrified, for the first few nights she'd insisted that Ben shared the bed with her, but he quickly pointed out that he required his own space, so she'd relented and let him go back to his own room – amazed at his resilience. After a while, the nightmares abated and life went, more or less, back to normal.

A year or so later, Dean appeared on her doorstep looking haunted and desperate, and saying things she really didn't want to hear. She should have been angry. How dare he assume she would be waiting for him - would take him in? But actually all she'd wanted to do was drag him inside and make him feel safe – and maybe, if she was honest - make herself feel safe too.

But he'd left. And she hadn't slept at all after that. She'd watched the news, and realised something terrible was coming – something life-changing - life-_ending_. So, when the world hadn't imploded and Dean had arrived again, utterly broken and lost; she'd taken him in, with a surge of happiness and relief. She knew he was a good man. He'd saved her son and maybe much more than that, and she didn't analyse anything too much. She'd welcomed him into her home – for however long it lasted.

So Dean and Lisa lay in bed each night, arms locked around each other, each clinging onto the other like lifeboats in a storm hit sea. Each knowing - as they had always known - that a happy life together wasn't in their future.

And night after night, outside the not-so-apple pie home - the streetlight flickered and Sam waited for Dean to break a promise.


End file.
